From a friend of mine in Horsemasters. You’ll snicker if you’ve ever read through horse sale ads. <\/p>\n
BIG TROT: Can’t canter within a 2 mile stretch
\nNICELY STARTED: Lunges, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him yet
\nTOP SHOW HORSE: Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane
\nHOME BRED: Knows nothing despite being home-grown
\nBOLD: Runaway
\nGOOD MOVER: Runaway
\nATHLETIC: Runaway
\nNEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: Runaway
\nNEEDS EXPERIENCED RIDER: DEAD Runaway
\nDEAD QUIET: Just dead
\nSPIRITED: Psychotic
\nRECENTLY VETTED: Someone else found something badly wrong with this horse
\nANY VET CHECK WELCOME: Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
\nBIG BONED: Good this has mane and tail or would be mistaken for cow
\nDOING COURSES: When tranquilised to the eyeballs and lunged six hours straight before
\nWELL MANNERED: Hasn’t stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
\nPROFESSIONALLY TRAINED: Hasn’t stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
\nSTARTED O\/F: Started overfeeding because can’t ride
\nSHOULD MATURE 16 HANDS. Currently 13hh, dam is 14.2hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15hh, but this horse will defy his DNA and grow
\nTO GOOD HOME ONLY: Not really for sale unless you can pay twice what he is worth, allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, and are willing to sign a 10 page legal document.
\nNO VICES: Especially when he wears his muzzle
\nLIGHT CRIBBER: We can’t afford to build any more stable and fences for this chainsaw
\nNO TIME FOR HIM: He’s lucky to be fed
\nEXCELLENT DISPOSITION: Never been out of his stable
\nGOOD TO CLIP, SHOE, BOX: Clippety clippety is the sound his hooves make when he drags you across the yard as you try to box him
\nFOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME: Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital
\nWELL BRED: Mother and father are also brother and sister
\nBLACK: Brown and\/or dirty
\nSUIT EVENTING: No brakes
\nSUIT DRESSAGE: No accelerator
\nSUIT ANYONE: Except us, we hate him
\nALWAYS IN RIBBONS: The shows we went to gave complementary rossettes for all who entered
\nALWAYS PLACED: The shows we went to were so small that there were no more than 3 in each class
\nGOOD AT SJ: All the classes we entered were minimus (jumps under 1 foot)<\/p>\n
From a friend of mine in Horsemasters. You’ll snicker if you’ve ever read through horse sale ads. BIG TROT: Can’t canter within a 2 mile stretch NICELY STARTED: Lunges, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him yet TOP SHOW HORSE: Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[1344,253],"class_list":["post-740","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-horses","tag-horses","tag-humour"],"yoast_head":"\n