A friend of mine sent me this. I couldn’t stop laughing, and realized that if you don’t have horses, you’ll miss out on most of the jokes. Horses come with a specialized vocabulary that can be rather opaque.
If you have a question, ask. I’ll be happy to explain a term.
Only horse people…
- Believe in the 11th Commandment: Inside leg to outside rein.
- Know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue or neon yellow.
- Think nothing of eating a sandwich after mucking out stables.
- Know why a thermometer has a yard of yarn attached to one end of it.
- Are banned from Laundromats.
- Fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.
- Can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse.
- Have a language all their own (“If he pops his shoulder, I have to close that hand and keep pushing with my seat in case he sucks back”.)
- Will end relationships over their hobby.
- Cluck to their cars to help them up hills.
- Insure their horses for more than their cars.
- Will give you 20 names and reasons for that bump on your horse.
- Know more about their horse’s nutrition than their own.
- Have neatsfoot oil stains on the carpet right next to the TV.
- Have a vocabulary that can make a sailor blush.
- Have less wardrobe than their horse.
- Engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.
- Know that mucking stalls is better then Zoloft any day.
