February 10, 2009

Only horse people…

A friend of mine sent me this. I couldn’t stop laughing, and realized that if you don’t have horses, you’ll miss out on most of the jokes. Horses come with a specialized vocabulary that can be rather opaque.

If you have a question, ask. I’ll be happy to explain a term.

Only horse people…

  • Believe in the 11th Commandment: Inside leg to outside rein.
  • Know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue or neon yellow.
  • Think nothing of eating a sandwich after mucking out stables.
  • Know why a thermometer has a yard of yarn attached to one end of it.
  • Are banned from Laundromats.
  • Fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.
  • Can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse.
  • Have a language all their own (“If he pops his shoulder, I have to close that hand and keep pushing with my seat in case he sucks back”.)
  • Will end relationships over their hobby.
  • Cluck to their cars to help them up hills.
  • Insure their horses for more than their cars.
  • Will give you 20 names and reasons for that bump on your horse.
  • Know more about their horse’s nutrition than their own.
  • Have neatsfoot oil stains on the carpet right next to the TV.
  • Have a vocabulary that can make a sailor blush.
  • Have less wardrobe than their horse.
  • Engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.
  • Know that mucking stalls is better then Zoloft any day.
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