Emailed from a friend. Had to share. (Quick online search didn’t reveal the original author.)

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”

Gary Gygax, one of the creators of Dungeons & Dragons pen-and-paper role-playing game has died. From a post by Troll Lord on Troll Lord Games:

It is almost too much to get my mind about. But I’ve just had news that our dear Dungeon Master has passed away. Ernie called this morning, he thought we should let the fans know. He’s just sent an email out.

Gary was in his home when he gathered himself up to cross the great divide.

Taser, meet iPod. iPod, meet Taser. Isn’t that a natural combination?

The concept appears to be that when someone tries to nick your MP3 player, you can shock the idea out of their crack-addled noggin with 50,000 volts. Presumably this particular piece of convergent genius emerged from the same school of thought that maintains America would be safer if everyone had guns.

Other strange convergent technologies at Crave.

Oh and later on a link talks about the Hello Kitty Assault Rifle.

Anyone played with Google Analytics? We’re considering using it at work, so I’ve justed the reference to the JavaScript file in the footer. (Took all of 2-3 minutes… Gotta love server-side includes!)

Here is a test pdf file to see if Analytics will track PDF files. If you want to grab it, open it, that would be great. It just has one line of text in it.

Should be interesting… I’ll let y’all know how things turn out.