I was looking for lyrics to a song I learned in my first chorus class* in elementary school and came across a hysterical little song sung to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree. Hee. I’m goign to have to learn this just to torment people with it.

Tom the Toad
(tune: O Christmas Tree)

Oh, Tom the toad, Oh, Tom the toad,
Why are you lying on the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, Oh, Tom the toad,
Why are you lying on the road?
You did not see the car ahead;
Now you’re all marked with tire tread.
Oh, Tom the toad, Oh, Tom the toad,
Why are you lying on the road?

Chorus:
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad,
Why did you jump out in the road?
(repeat)

You were my friend, and now you’re dead,
You bear the marks of tire tread.
Chorus

Chorus (X2)
You did not see yon passing car,
And now you’re stretched out on the tar.
Chorus

Chorus (X2)
You hopped out to the yellow line
And turned into a streak of slime.
Chorus

Chorus (X2)
It’s clear to all you’re in a rut,
We all did see your gushing gut.
Chorus

Chorus (X2)
There was a loud and awful crash
For poor old Tom had just got smashed
Chorus

Oh Bill the bug, oh Bill the bug
What are you doing on the rug?
Oh Bill the bug, oh Bill the bug
What are you doing on the rug?
You did not see the foot ahead
And now your just a spot of red
Oh Bill the bug, oh Bill the bug
What are you doing on the rug?

Chorus (X2)
You used to hop and jump about,
And now your guts are spilling out.
Chorus

*On the same page, look for the lyrics to Senior Don Gato.

I’m playing catchup with posts, so if you see posts appearing for earlier dates in March, you’ll know why. I often email posts to myself with notes about things to blog and then forget to post them (or run out of time).

The house has had quite a few showings, but no offers. Here is a summary of the showings:
03/22/2008 12:00 PM 03/22/2008 11:30 AM
03/11/2008 3:30 PM 03/10/2008 6:00 PM
02/28/2008 3:30 PM 02/24/2008 3:00 PM
02/09/2008 11:30 AM 02/07/2008 3:00 PM
02/05/2008 6:00 PM 02/04/2008 11:15 AM
12/05/2007 6:00 PM 11/30/2007 2:30 PM
11/28/2007 6:00 PM 11/22/2007 4:49 AM
11/20/2007 4:30 PM

You would really think that after all of those showings I’d have a least one offer. Sigh. Maybe it’s just the way the market is right now. I’ll have to talk to my real estate agent to see what her take is.

No surprise here…

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and expressive, you were meant for Paris.
The art, the fashion, the wine!
Whether you’re enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park…
You’ll love living in the most chic place on earth.

Sometimes sanity comes in the form of a 950 pound bay Arabian.

I saw Isis on Sunday after visiting with a friend (or someone who used to be a very dear friend and now seems to have issues talking to me). She and Penny were grazing in the paddock near the barn. Isis saw my car, knickered, and trotted over to me. (huge grin) It made my day.

Silly girl is really out of shape. She looks pretty good, though. No crest on her neck, very few fat pads — just a bit of a hay belly from not being worked enough.

I didn’t ride her — she had rain rot on her back — but I worked her a little in the ring free lunging. She’s shedding really bad too.

Interesting evening last night. Tried to go to belly dance — first time driving by myself. I loaded the GPS with the address, and off I went… Except some how I added a way point on I-40… and the silly thing kept telling me to loop around I-40. I would have been 20 minutes late to class, so I skipped it.

Pissed me off.

And then I thought it was terribly funny.

Some times you read an article and you just can’t believe that it’s true. This was one of those says. Apparently, a Ness City woman has been sitting on her boyfriend’s toilet for the past two years. Her boyfriend finally called the sheriff at the end of February because he thought something was wrong. It took him two years to figure that out? It was quite surreal. It sounded like a Saturday Night Live skit.

The story is covered in Newsvine:

Authorities are considering charges in the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years — so long that her body was stuck to the seat by the time the boyfriend finally called police.

It was also featured on The Register, an IT webzine:

US authorities are trying to work out why a Kansas woman spent two years on her boyfriend’s toilet – so long that by the time he called emergency services her skin had grown around the lav’s seat.

I found the following articles on Slashdot and thought I would share.

A friend of mine is working on a book and had asked me if there were any situations I’d like to share where my horse had gone above and beyond what might normally be expected.

My initial reaction was ‘Where do I start?’

I have lost almost half of Isis’s available riding time to medical issues. Isis had two boughts with laminitis and recovered fully with little to no rotation and the farrier has said several times that Isis’s feet look perfectly normal. We had a riding accident in 2005 caused by Isis tripping due to thin soles from the laminitis. Grazing muzzle, spiffy shoes, supplements, low starch grain, and chiropractic treatments later: she fully recovered from the laminitis and her IR is carefully managed.

I have always wanted to show Isis. Ever since she was little, I had dreamed about taking her to shows and winning under saddle or over fences. When we were in the middle of dealing with her medical issues, I never though I would get to show. There were days I would have been happy to know that she would be safe to ride.

It’s hard to imagine how far she had come by July 2006. Laminitis behind her, new shoes to help her tender feet, and chiropractic work so her muscular-skeletal system was working well. Her rain rot was under control thanks to the supplements she was on. Finally we were making progress. My vet had cleared Isis for regular work and for some jumping (nothing very high, and not a lot of it over sustained time periods).

My riding instructor and I had discussed whether to take Isis to a show that summer. We both agreed it might be a better idea to let me get some experience on a seasoned show horse and then take Isis to a later show. Besides, the trailer was full so we didn’t have space for Isis. I focused on working my instructor’s horse and didn’t ride Isis that much prior to the show.

The day before we left for the show, my instructor asked if I would like to take Isis. There was space on the trailer. I jumped at the chance to take her to a show just for the experience for both of us. That evening, I went to the barn, pulled her out, worked on her gaits, and jumped her a few times over cavaletti. We also cantered on cue for the first time since our riding accident in 2005.

The next day, my trainer picked us up at the barn and hauled us over to where the rest of the riders were meeting to caravan. My instructor had me pull Isis off the trailer and then tack up for a quick riding lesson. This was the second time Isis had ever been ridden away from home and the first time she had ever seen a ring with a full jump course (the jumps were lowered to 18 inches for us, instead of the 2’6″ for the other riders). She had never seen plastic flowers around jumps. She had never been ridden in a ring with more than one other horse, much less horses she didn’t know.

My instructor was skeptical: last time she had seen Isis and I riding, we had a lot of work we needed to do. She was pleasantly surprised. Not only did the Bay Wonder Mare take the jumps (after some encouragement) and do a course, but she eagerly headed towards the jumps. The other horses didn’t even bother her.

We rode at the show that evening to practice on the jump course. All of the jumps we took at home were cross rails. The jumps in the ring were set at 2 feet and were solid rails with flower boxes. I was nervous. I’d never asked her to jump anything like that. Of course, she picked up on it and shied at one of jumps.

The last time I had done a jump course at a show was on my old Appaloosa gelding when I was in high school. He had a bad habit of shying at a fence: teleporting sideways and leaving me hanging. I remembered that experience and became nervous because I expected her to do the same thing.

We approached the jump several times and each time she shied. I was a nervous wreck. My instructor had me get off of Isis and let one of the other girls ride her. They worked with her again on going over the fence and she did it. I then got back on her and we took the fence. Humiliating to not be able to deal with a situation like that and nerve wracking. My confidence had felt demolished — until we really rode together and took that jump. And took it again and again.

The next morning, Isis and I rode in the warm up ring before our classes. There were probably 20-30 people in that ring riding at different gates, taking jumps left and right. It looked like a swarm of bees trying to find the entrance to a hive. And we rode in that. And survived. Isis was jumpy at first – because I was nervous with all of these kids running around. It was worse than driving on the beltway around DC during rush hour.

My instructor gave me excellent advice: you can’t be nervous if you sing. I picked a silly trotting-speed ditty and sang. I calmed down, Isis calmed down and things improved. The biggest distraction turned out to be not from the other horses in the ring – but from the other horses tied to the trailers parked on the hill. Isis kept whinnying to them. No matter what I did, she was always looking for her buddies.

Because this was my first show in way-too-long, I decided to do something simple. Our classes were in the Walk-Trot division: three over-fence classes with 18” jumps and one under-saddle class. We had 9 people in the division, seven kids on ponies and two 30-something adults.

The biggest surprise of the day? Isis loved it. She headed for the jumps and wanted more. After the first ride, we were both grinning. The second ride, she knew her stuff. We even cantered the course in the the third ride. My instructor was impressed. Isis did pretty well in the equitation class, too. In fact, she kept trying to head for the jumps. We had a few bumps where she pulled against the bit, but that was more my fault than hers.

At the end of the equitation class, Isis and I waited in the line up. I wasn’t expecting anything. I knew we hadn’t done that well, but you know, the fact that we had gotten through it was amazing. I did a double-take when the announcer said our names. And then I grinned and couldn’t stop grinning. (I’m still grinning as I write this.) Isis and I won sixth place in all three of the over fence classes and then took fifth in the under saddle class.

She went above and beyond my expectations and certainly those of my instructor. Isis tackled a set of new situations and obstacles with intelligence and curiosity – and would have done a lot better if her spastic Mom had been calmer initially.

Later I realized that it’s possible that all of the people in that division got ribbons, but you know what? I don’t really care. Those ribbons represent a dream come true after years of dealing with assorted problems and medical issues. To this day, they still hang on her tack room door along with the show number.

Six weeks after this horse show, Isis had colic surgery on August 28, 2006. She fully recovered and we’re now working on low-level dressage lessons. We jump periodically as a reward for a job well done.

For the fans of Call of Cthulhu and HP Lovecraft, this bundle of joy from Troll and Toad would be the perfect gift basket:

173215.jpg

Plus if you want some interesting background information on some of the mythos:

  • HP Lovecraft created a grimoire for his stories: The Necronomicon. Lovecraft’s stories were so compelling and convincing that people actually believed the book had to exist. In fact, you can find copies of booked entitled “Necronomicon” in the book stores. The Necronomicon Files, by John Wisdom Gonce and Daniel Harms, debunks these books and explains the background history as to why the book is a fake.
  • Daniel Harms also has a blog about Lovecraftian-type stuff entitled Papers Falling from an Attic Window.

Other stuff on Lovecraft is all over the place.

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